Sometimes, when life is overwhelming, I look for help for random sequences of symbols to help me make sense of the story of my own life.
The seemingly painful part of the journey to find love is the truth that, “IS what one actually wants?”, is the actual question we seek to answer.
We all may have equality in love if we want to have and receive equality in love. Knowing what that means for the self is truly the most important thing to learn on any earth journey I’ve experienced to exist here on earth.
Once we find equality in the self, we find it in one another naturally.
Be in love. We meet and occupy together this planet in our extremities of connections. <3nikiV
i do wonder about the kiss, mostly. i wonder if i will learn to crave it in the time i’ve have for this relationship to develop. i can see how it could develop, yet, i am wholly unsure if it will because i feel so much is held back, and i know i won’t be satisfied for long if that keeps up at this level.
new relationships. this one is now just over 7 weeks and we’ve only had like 6 or 7 days without physical intimacy (not bad for having a new partner who is 30 years my senior, i would say). i do think about that age difference, i must say. i wonder if that thought will go away? i mean, does it bother me, really? no. i don’t care, i love being and exploring with this person who is here, and i know that i have an opportunity to not do it as well, and i decide i want to every time.
i do think, like my former husband, my new man’s comfort zone will not fully embrace me at my core, yet i feel he loves my core enough to get close as possible without fully committing to that connection. I am happy to explore that aspect of what i feel is the way our relationship is stalled from the outset. i do get tired rejecting his degradation of what he sees as my “potential” when he’s been in my home exactly two times, both barely inside my entry way. =) life is good, he’s a smart, intelligent, thinking man, so I expect to enjoy our friendship for long. his love is real, that much i do know. =)
For the tarot, this day, my reply.
ListeningNow to unueberlegt | Erinnerungen by unueberlegt #np on #SoundCloud
Listen to DJ – Set (August`15) by Kate Savenko by Ekaterina Savenko #np on #SoundCloud
because everything you thought u knew about everything that you think you know about me . . . .
because nothing that you think i was experiencing was i actually in my perspective experiencing . . . .
because the moment we allow ourselves to be wholly open to the christ we do just become a fragment . . . .
because it doesn’t matter what happens next, if they aren’t shooting, chances are you get a new life and get to try again . . . .
Keep It Simple Smartie #findNikiV
Even if i was working on the most important thing in the world, the most scientifically advanced developments or the next best lipstick color or new band that is about to take the world by storm, that does not give this life a purpose that is meaningful in the context of this very vast cosmos.
Even if i do the best job I can and have the best child in the world and she does the most amazing things we do here on planet earth that still does not, it seems to me, to be a reason to justify the perpetual energy we put forth just to survive and have life on this planet. In the grand cosmos view of things, surely, this human experience we know here right now, like typing this thought out, has more to offer the universe than this?
Even if I think all this is futile and pointless, I’ll still keep trying until my daughter says I don’t have to help her future find a meaning more honoring of the cosmos than this human experience.
Really, why has earth spawned life at all?